☼ ain't no sunshine when you're gone....

so here's how things work in my family, or at least with me and my sister, when it comes to our ways of dealing with things .. or at least the way it used to be
(my parents have their own multitude of issues that are to vast to explain).
i'm the bitter one, it's true, i hold grudges, i make snide comments, and allot of the time i'm pretty much a not nice person. on the inside though, it's this insane mix of feelings.. you know when you're young and you have all the different finger paint colours; and you know that if you can mix them all together the right way you'll get the prettiest colour of all.. well most of the time, it's a mess.. essentially that is the emotional state that i live in 9O% of the time, some wild and not so pretty mix of anger, bitterness, happiness, sadness and usually lonelyness...

my sister is something all together different, she is all forgiveness, she somehow ; no matter how horribly a person has wronged her will still find a way to forgive them. i don't understand.

but i think that might all change, over the past couple months i've done nothing but work on my bitterness, i've opened up, and learned the importance of letting people in.. the storms are no longer things i have to weather on my own.

but my sister just came into my room in tears, her boyfriend broke up with her.. (and in a horrible sense of dejavue took the same douchebag approach my ex did, seriously if you're going to break up with a girl, pick up the phone.. a text message saying "call me we need to talk" is the worst thing EVER, and why is it that you can't pick up the phone yourself? don't want to waste your minutes, douchebag)... now there is a horribly long , messy and painfull history with the boy that she dated, i personally don't trust him further than i could throw him. but he was, is, (i'm not sure what tense to use here), her first love. and i can see in her eyes how broken she is. i remember that look from the mirror in september, when i wore it. the tears, the stomach aches, it's not pretty...

i hope for her sake though that she is able to walk away from it, because that is one thing i still haven't been able to do. i keep going back to the same thing that hurts me time and time again. i understand how she can forgive now, because i have someone that i seem to forgive no matter what. no matter how many times i've cried, no matter how many times i've said "i'm done"... my very own justin bobby.. except cleaner and better looking.

essentially, i hope this doesn't ruin my sister's faith in love, and people. i hope she has more strength than i had, because she is a strong girl, and i know that if she tries she will certainly be able to overcome this.




ps; boys suck it's true.
[NOTE : i say boys because i hope that once they become men, they stop acting like douchebags - see i haven't completely lost faith in humanity]