waiting for your call...

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry call I'm desperate for your voice Listening to the song we used to sing In the car, do you remember Butterfly, Early Summer It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet Like when we would meet Cause I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine Stay with me tonight Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh Cause every breath that you will take when you are sitting next to me will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy? (What's your, what's your, what's your...) Cause I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine Stay with me tonight And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home (I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have) cause I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine Stay with me tonight Cause I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
-your call; secondhand serenade

2 in the morning and i'm still awake, and for once it's not because i'm afraid that if i find the resolve to go to bed that i will cry myself to sleep, i'm actually kind of happy now. it's ironic really, how much everything has changed in such little time, i mean if you think about it in the grand scheme of things a year really isn't that great of a length of time. but so much can change in a year, and i feel like it's kind of deja vue right now. i've lost someone, again, but this time, i'm not hiding from my problems in a smoky garage, i'm actually facing them head on.

it's been terrifying to actually face being alone, and the hurt has been pretty strong, but i've healed allot. i've learned so much from this all. i really have, and i have more now because of everything that has happened. i used to keep people out, and hide behind this incredibly huge wall of bitterness and hurt, but now.. i don't know, that wall seems to be coming down. allbeit i cry allot more now than i used to, i actually feel better about things then i have in a long time. i've got some grip on the person that i want to be.

through everything i've found an awesome friend, someone that actually knows who i am, no lies, no hiding. it's actually kind of awesome to have someone actually know me. (best friend; ily)

maybe letting people in isn't so bad.

there is one person i should thank for showing me this, but that probably isn't going to happen, and i'm not bitter about them being gone, or about the decisions that they've made. i've grown up allot this year, and i think i've changed for the better, namely over the past couple months. i've dealt with allot of things from my past. i've found some sweet people that i plan on keeping in my life for quite some time.

i guess that's it.