let's stop playing hide and seek now , k ?

where are you ?

* doesnt mind my lame jokes
* thinks that i look good with no makeup and / or shower
* doesnt mind that on my days off i would rather sit around and read in pyjamas then go out
* can deal with the fact that my bestfriend can sometimes be a bitch , i love her so get over it
* will spend a whole day in bed cuddling
* doesnt think that its lame , or doesnt tell me that he thinks its lame , that i am addicted to tv on dvd
* will drive my car , because frankly driving is lame , and i spend too much time doing this
* doesnt argue with me when i feel like paying , i have an independent streak, mk?
* doesnt make me feel like a spoiled princess
* calls me just to hear my voice
* thinks that its cute when i say things in french because i cant think of the right word in english
* knows where to find me when im trying to hide from the world
* understands that my camera is sometimes the one thing that keeps me sane
* doesnt make fun of the lame music that i listen too
* thinks its cute that i know the words to most of the rap songs on cds in my car
* understands that i am insecure in relationships , and doesn't make me feel bad / guilty about it
* doesnt feel the need to check in all the time
* watches lame tv shows with me , hello ; reaper , antm , one tree hill ?
* thinks that its cute when i stutter
* doesnt think that its lame that i have a journal and a blog
* knows what program im taking at school , but doesnt push the fact that i have no idea what i want to do with my life
* knows what bestfriend & i order at boston pizza
* does cute random things , seriously the little things are 1OOx more important than the big things
* knows that i dont eat red meat , except on pizza and bacon
* remembers that i dont particularly enjoy pop unless im sick
* knows that im crazy claustrophobic and that large big groups of people intimidate me
* understands that when i met new people i get really nervous and dont do much talking
* doesnt push the fact that im not very assertive
* gets that i dont talk about my problems unless i absolutely have to
* realises that when i call him crying i dont need him to say anything, i just need to talk to someone, also appreciates that i have trusted him enough to actually call him in a state of weakness
* doesnt expect me to be all open right away, ive been hurt a few times now, and for some reason i dont let many people in
* doesnt let my sarcasm scare him away

i dont think im being too picky , well i probably am . which probably explains allot

love♥


ps. reaper is on , i would totally date the son of the devil , sam that is , he's a sweetheart .

...

i've got nothing . absolutely nothing .

love ♥

ps. reaper tomorrow night , my life is a sad sad excuse for something exciting .

baby , when you come around it ain't no good

dear life ,

stop throwing me curve balls . stop making miss people i shouldn't be missing . make my mommy talk to me . that's all i want for now .

xox , me



k . so anyways , life actually hasn't been horrendous . i had a blast last night , so going out with my best friend acting like a total idiot , sometimes , that's all i need to improve my moood ♥ . so i went to see a haunting in conneticut , wow , probably not my best idea , i'm not even joking when i say that i watched a good 75% of the movie through my fingers , yeah i'm that lame . even though you know exactly when they plan on scaring you , it never fails to make me jump and have a mild heart attack .

highlights of my night ;

un . trying to understand the lady that did my nails , i felt so bad , but it was such a one sided conversation on her end , half the stuff she said i didn't understand .

deux . the wait staff at boston pizza knows us . lame . i actually feel bad for the guy that served us last night though , i'm pretty sure everytime he came by our table we were talking about something completely inappropriate . such as a. bodily functions b. lame boys c. sex stories of some sort

trois . as we are leaving boston pizza , i - being the idiot that i am - scan the restaurant , notice a familiar looking face , turn to sam and go "hey isn't that the guy from street pharmacy ?" sam , stares at him for about 3O seconds , he turns looks at us , "yeah it is" we burst out laughing like a bunch of 16 year old girls , and proceed to make a run for it

quatre . sam making a new friend , all by herself , i was so proud . even if she made the friend by talking smack on some random 15 year olds in skirts that barely covered their goodies .

six . complaining about the bitch that got us our popcorn , dude really , their is no need to be a bitch , when for once , we weren't being mean to you . fuck you ginger , fuck you .

sept . having multiple minor heart attacks during the movie , lame . hahah


love ♥

now , who should i take ?

lame .

un . my mom finding this blog , she hasn't spoken to me in like three days . i think i would rather have her yelling at me .

deux . i still have a really random sporatic cough that will not go away regardless of the antibiotics that i am on

trois . boys , really . nothing but trouble , the friend is actually not causing any trouble , it's kind of a weird situation but i can deal with it .

quatre . i can't stop thinking about him lately , and i'm not sure why . i think it would be so much easier if we hadn't tried to be friends , or rather if we had actually just been friends , and not pushed it . i've said it before and i will say it again , if i had known a simple change in sleeping arrangements would have changed the outcome of the situation i would do it all over again . i hate feeling like i've lost someone , i still don't think i'm over loosing someone i lost last year , it's the fact that i don't give up on people . i really don't , namely in friendships , letting go is not something that i've mastered , regardless of how many times i've tried . and i've needed someone to call , oh god , in the past couple months , to have been able to call you would have made my life so much easier , because really , i don't think anyone else understands , or could understand . as silly as that sounds , it's what i believe . that's not to say i haven't had people to talk to , but i think you would have had a different point of view . fuck , i need to stop doing this , it's the same shit over and over again . don't get me wrong , i don't begrudge you for your choice , i get it - most days that is - i just wish i hadn't ended this way , but hell there is no changing that now , only moving on , and learning . which i think i have , so thank you , i really did learn allot from you , and from everything you've been through , i've grown up allot , i just wish you could see it first hand . anyways , i need to stop this . i'm not accomplishing anyways besides ranting .

love ♥

ps. a journal might not have been the best idea i've ever had , going back and reading what i wrote in december still brings me to tears everytime , cause i was still... never mind . i'll put it away soon , start a new one , learn some news things , who knows , grow up somemore ?

lame.

i'm finally starting to feel better , thank god. this whole being sick thing isn't for me , i can't deal with having a raspy voice , and a cough that makes me sound like i smoke a pack a day.

so i'm really broke, it's not even a joke anymore , it's actually a serious problem , and VDT at work is totally ruining my life. i mean really, when you offer me twelve times in an hour if i want to leave, eventually my resolve is going to crack and i'm going to leave. this is an ongoing issue, and my bank account is definetly paying for it. but i don't usually go home when i leave early , i find something else to do with my time haha.
last night i spent a few hours just chillen' with tania, i swear i love this girl to death, like so glad that i meet her and that we've become friends. because i can totally relate to her when it comes to boys , and we just generally have a sweet time together. last night we sat around, google-d a bunch of really random things, talked about how much we both want to marry kap ♥ and how bad hair / shoes are deff. deal breakers. and then i went and hung out with scott for a bit, sat around watched tv, nothing exciting.

but i've come to realised that i'm actually pretty lame , i don't really go out because i have no money, even when i stay at work for my whole shift i am so insanely in debt that going out isn't an option, and on top of that i work until 11:OOpm on saturday nights, and most of the time my mother is so worried about me driving home that she doesn't want me going out after that lame.
and the rest of my week is usually consumed with piles of school work and work, and laundry that i've allowed to grow to monstrous piles in both my room and car.

thing is , i don't really mind being lame.
♥ love.


ps. i feel like i've finally kind of found a reality that i'm enjoying, and it's my own reality. weird.

baby, you wouldn't last a second on the creek.

the good.
1. stoked for friday - girls night w. tania ; nails + tanning + out for dinner + movies.
2. my sister is home from europe, i missed her
3. the bomb mac mascara my sister bought me in europe ♥
4. actually having some commision on my next paycheck , thank god.

the bad.
1. being at home , i'm so sick of all the arguing i don't get it. no one can say anything without a fight starting, and i can't deal with it anymore
2. still being sick.
3. i was up at 9:OO am. enough said
4. i still miss him, i don't know why but i do.

i taste betrayal, you fucking whore ♥

so i'm still sick, which is fantastic. yeah right. i've pretty well done absolutely nothing all week which is balls. i'm going stir crazy. oh and i'm really bummed that i didn't get to see down with webster this friday or last friday. i get that i'm sick and my mom didn't want me to go to brantford or whatever, but fucking yeah, i love down with webster and apparently last tour dates for a bit. i hate my life.

oh ps. boys suck, as if i didn't already know this one.