and i'm standing in the rain..

i'm all over the place right now. as usual..

one the upside though, i've stopped missing people that just don't care anymore.

love♥

ps. so stoked for my mom & sister to go to tennesse this summer, week alone with daddy (:
sleepovers?

they don't make love like that anymore.

so i'm sitting at work looking out the window hating my life because it's like 80 degrees outside and i am less than ten minutes away from the beach, and i mean i could walk there in less than ten minutes. this is just a preview of what my summer is going to be ... longing for the beach sitting in an air conditioned office. oh lord.

trainwreck that i am.

so i'm pretty sure i've mastered the art of ignoring a problem until it goes away. i'm almost sure that my best friend is either pissed or annoyed with me, and i don't know, i just can't bring myself to deal with it right now, i love her to death, and she has pretty much been a rock for me the past couple months, i mean really i don't know what kind of a mess i would have gotten myself into had she not been there for me. but right now, i can't even find time to sleep, and that probably seems horrible, but i can't deal with drama anymore, i've grown so accustom to people bailing on life lately that it doesn't really surprise me, and i don't feel like fighting for anything anymore. the way i look at it now is this : if you want to be in my life, you will be, if you don't so be it. i won't begrudge you for your choice, it's yours. that's not to say i won't be bothered by it. but i can't bother to keep fighting for things that hurt me. i don't even know where this is going or if i'm making any sense right now. 

i think i'm going to lay low for the next little while, mostly because i will be working all the time, at both sherkston and sitel so the next couple of weeks should be interesting, my bet is that within a week i'm having a total meltdown from lack of sleep and social life. 

funny thing is, my sherkston family is usually pretty dramatic, i don't think i will have to worry about them so much this summer, i think i'm going to have so much going on outside of work that my work family's drama will seem like nothing, and that my friends is bad news bears. and i am not stoked on it. i'm pretty sure i've had my fair share of crap & less than good people in my life so far this year, let's make the summer fantastic with good friends and good times. 

i miss my best friend though, i just don't even know how to approach the situation. i hate any type of confrontation, i pretty much just want to die when people are mad at me, i don't know why but i hate feeling as though i've let someone down. fuck. i don't know what to do with myself anymore, and this is some serious bullshit.

OH! and get this i am on day 3 of god only knows how many straight days of work, i think i might have to find myself a bridge / tall building to throw myself off of to prevent slipping into insanity.

love ♥

ps. that text that i got in the early hours of this morning has not left me alone, it keeps nagging me even though i deleted it. ugh. i need sleep right now. 

hit me up i got ya' man .

so this week has been kind of boring, i mean i worked sat, sun, mon at sitel nothing new there. spent the day in the sun on tues & wednesday, i refuse to lose my tan, i love having one and now that it's dark i pretty well just need to maintain it. thursday i went back to sherkston, oh lord, being there totally reminded me of last summer and all the insane adventures we would have, and trust me we had some pretty crazy times there.

yesterday i worked aswell, but everyone else was actually there too, oh man, i remembered how much i love my summer family. i swear to god, neesh, my sister, the vasko's, kristen i love them all. three or four people that i have spent the past two summers with aren't coming back this summer, and things are going to be different but i'm sure we will find a way to have a fantastic summer regardless. 

enough about my love for my job...

i feel like i got no sleep last night, fo' real. and that's totally going to fuck me over tonight when i have to work until 11. this working two jobs is going to ruin my life, especially seeing as one job requires me to get up extremely early and the second job has me working until 12. ugh, but last night i'm pretty sure it's my cell phone that woke me up,  i usually leave the damn thing on silent, and i must have forgotten to turn the volume down before i went to bed, fuck bad idea. either way i got a text at 2:15 in the morning, first of all WTF are you doing texting me at 2:15 in the morning, unless it's life or death.. or good gossip from tania that is inexcusable.  second of all, what are YOU doing texting me anyways? 

things like this make me hate my life hahah . but whatever, i didn't get the message until 3 in the morning because my stupid phone decided it would be a good idea to beep at me until i acknowledged that i had a message.  i think i answered the text ? i honestly cannot be sure though, because right after i deleted them and tried, to no avail, to go back to sleep. ugh.

love ♥

ps. i need to give up on watching tv series, because i can't even seem to watch my favorite ones every week, i have no idea what is going on with reaper, and i haven't watched any episodes of GG this season. 

i need you tonight ,

so it's been a while since i've updated , and by a while i clearly mean like forever . 

life has been decent lately , which is nice . dominican was amazing , seriously i would totally move there if i could . i can honestly see myself opening up a photography company down there and doing like weddings and family portraits at resorts and such . that would so be the life for me , i mean really , i would be able to go to the beach anytime i want , i would be able to capitalize on my photography , ahhh i think i know what i want to do with my life . hahah . in a couple years maybe . hmmm... well i can dream right ?

and speaking of dominican , wow , seriously , i cannot get over how beautiful it was there , honest to goodness , like white beaches , clear water , palm trees , well at least on the resort . off the resort not so much , which made me very thankful for everything that i have . 

oh and running away from problems ? yeah doesn't work , the niagara region seems to be able to find me no matter where i chose to run away to , what the shit is up with people from high school staying at the same resort as me ? really , their are like 6OO resorts along that beach and you pick the same one i'm at ? LAME ! 

OH ! most important , those dominican boys can dance , and i don't mean dance like the boys around here "dance" , i mean DANCE , ugh . for real , find me a boy that can dance like that and i am down . 

on that note , boys , there is fuck all going on , and i'm ohk with that in one sense , but in another sense not so much . lame , right ? yeah i know . i want that comfort of knowing that i have someone to cuddle with , you know ? someone that i can call crying , and it won't matter . but then on the other hand i don't want to deal with letting someone in the way you have to in a relationship , it's such a conundrum .

GOOD NEWS : back to sherkston on thursday , that actually makes me so insanely happy . i love it there , and i don't think summer would be the same without the stupidity and insanity that is my second family . i'm going back for my third summer this year and i know allot of things have changed , and quite a few people aren't planning on coming back , but i still can't imagine summer without sherkston anymore , it just wouldn't be right . 

i'm such a scatterbrain lately and this is probably all over the place and makes absolutely no sense . but it's been a while and it's 3:OO am . so give me a break. mk ?

love ♥

ps . i now have two babby bunnies that my sister and i have adopted , pancakes & waffles . and they are probably the cutest things in the whole world . 

pss . please , please , please don't text me because you have drugs to sell , congratulations , but i don't need to know , i worry too much , still . (somethings will never change) k , thanks ?