I'm just going to "call it karma"

my life, as usual, has been a shit show of a mess this week, and not due to alcoholic consumption on my part.

yet again, i tried to let someone in, tried to give someone the benifit of the doubt.. and guess what... he brought my friend home, fucking awesome. I don't even think i'm mad at him, even though i know i should be.. Im mad at myself because yet again i'm falling for the wrong person. I'm giving people credit that they clearly don't deserve.


to the boy: you are exactly what you told me you weren't, you asked for the benefit of the doubt and you got it.. what you did with it, well that's your problem.
ps. way to bring home the drunkest, sloppiest girl there, easy kill i guess. this tells me so much more about you than you ever could.

to the girl: you were a total sloop show, you knew that i was starting to have feelings for this boy, and not only did you go home with him.. but you had the audacity to text me to tell me about it... wow. i have no respect for you.. at all.

i guess that's it

<3

oh hay;

it's birthday week which inevitably means trouble & lots of it...

the count so far...

1 limo with 11 awesome people
1 blue jays with with 14 of my favorite people in the world
2 throw ups
2 pain pills
2 gravol
3 birthday cakes
1 trip to wendys
1 4O' of jagermeister gone
20 cans of red rain done
? countless jagerbombs
1 tumble down the stairs
? countless bruises
1 ongoing drama fest
? countess sing-a-longs
a couple tears
2 new bottles of jager
1 4O' of vodka
1 6O' of vodka

all this and my birthday isn't over yet
i love my life <3

fuck you;

i feel like an idiot
and i need to cry in the worst possible way

fuck you;

with eyes wide open...

it's funny how many times I almost fell for you;
how many times I almost believed that you were going to change;

things like this make me so glad that I trust my instincts more than my own heart..

it's funny how things end up in the end.

I just can't believe you are using the same lines, having the same arguments and pulling the same crap that you did with me - with her. thank god she's smarter than me, I hope to hell she doesn't even come as close as I did for falling for you.. I hope she doesn't have to cry over you like I did..

this is my friend, a good friend, that you are playing games with.. I could never bring myself to trust you the way you wanted me too. and now you're lying about the same things to her..

if only people could really see...

you need to get your shit together more than anyone else I know. . .



i need to go for a drive & a tan...
it's one of these kinds of days.





this makes me dislike you more than anything else you've ever done to me.

summer 2O1O

so I've decided that rather than date stupid boys this summer I'm going to do something productive, I feel like I've been slacking on reading lately. For real, I'm usually the type of person who can go through about a book a week, but I haven't actually read a book in ages, so the mission for this summer is to read a book a week.. not just any book though, I want to read books that will actually influence the type of person that I am.

So here it is; summer reading list 2O1O

1. Catcher in the rye; J.D Salinger
2. Great Expectations; Charles Dickins
3. Alice in wonderland; Lewis Caroll
4. Night; Elie Wiesel
5. Les Miserables; Victor Hugo
6. Flowers for Algernon; Daniel Keyes
7. The Odyssey; Homer
8. Atlas Shrugged; Ayn Rand
9. The Last Lecture; Randy Pausch
10. Go Ask Alice; Anonymous
11. Interview With A Vampire; Anne Rice
12. Into The Wild; Jon Krakauer
13.The Bell Jar; Sylvia Plath

well here's hoping...



UPDATE
so far I haven't done to well with my summer reading list; I've read 3 of the 13 books are we are now in July.

-Catcher in the Rye was amazing.. I may have fallen for H.Caufield I like damaged people.
-Flowers for Algernon was a phenomenal book that I would recommend to anyone. It really makes you appreciate the small things in life.
-Go Ask Alice touched me as much as Nikki Sixx's heroin diaries, hard drugs scare me more than anything else in the world.

That's not to say I haven't read other books this summer but I need to get this reading list done, and stop worrying about the soap opera that my life has turned into.

conversation of the week.

b.humphrey & k.seguin

"be my valentine?"
"thanks.. but no thanks"
"i don't take rejection well, so i'm going to take that as a 'yes'"

so basically this is how I ended up with a "valentine"... so i have a valentine, without all the added advantages of having one.. no chocolate, no flowers, no dinner, nothing.

love <3
ps. I don't even believe in Valentine's day

... brrr

i'm starting off with a rant, because right now i'm sitting at brock (not) enjoying my six hour break. and it is fucking freezing, I mean really, with the amount of money my parents pay this place in tuition you would think they could at least keep the buildings at a decent temperature, nope. Not here, it's fucking cold.

Anyways. Other than that, life is pretty solid. Listening to Down With Webster, working on essays. I can't believe how well things are going right now, and it scares me to say that, because every time I do, something bad comes out of it. But whatever, what is the point of things going well if I can't enjoy them? hm.

love <3

ps. i wish i was where you are.

god damn.

didn't think this was going to happen again.

hmmm... boy situation = zero

still.. c'mon really? i still say that i'm not asking for much.