it seems to be i can't learn my lesson the first time.. first with the whole thing last year with him, and now this thing that i have gotten myself into.
and i don't know for some reason i always seem to be able to convince myself that it's going to be different this time, that this time i can trust a boy, and then the same thing happens - i'm left questioning where the fuck i stand. and i hate it. i need to stop doing this.
i need to find someone i can actually trust, someone who is going to be there all the time, not just when it's convenient. i refuse to be a convenience for someone, just there when they need me - but left behind when their done. it's gotten old pretty fast
i need allot from life right now, and i don't seem to be getting much of it. i'm so sick of people just walking in and out of my life like it's nothing ... i get to attached for that shit, it's not cool. and people wonder why i have few friends? because the ones that i have i know i can count on, for anything. i don't have disposable friends, i don't have the patience or emotional capacity for temporary friendships, or relationships. that shit just isn't for me - if you're in my life you should be ready to be there for a long time. i care too much to just let people go, and it's taxing on me, i take the brunt of the pain when people just up and leave whenever it's convenient and i'm done with that... for real this time.
i don't know..
i think i just need to find a reliable boy; and stop giving people the benefit of the doubt - cause it's gotten me nowhere these past couple months.
i don't know where i'm going with this, or how any of this is going to end - typical.
love ♥
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