...

i'm pretty sure the only thing i want right now is to cuddle up with a cute boy & watch the goonies.

am i asking too much from life?

love♥

the prayer

i'm so feeling this song right now...

and i'm not entirely sure why..

Plain Pat what up?

(Verse 1)

My heart thump not from being nervous

Sometimes I'm thinking God made me special here on purpose

So all the while 'til I'm gone make my words important so

If I slip away, if I die today the last thing you remember won't

Be about some apple bottom jeans with the boots with the fur

Baby how I dream of being free since my birth

Cursed but the demons I confronted would disperse

Have you ever heard of some shit so real

Beyond from the heart, from the soul you can feel

(Chorus)

And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take

But please don't cry, just know that I have made these songs for you

And if I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take

'cuz I'm ready for a funeral

(Verse 2)

My mind runs I can never catch it even if I got a head start

God please tell me I am feeling so alone way

I don't need to worry 'cuz I know the world'll feel this nigga

Blessing in disguise but I am not hiding who I am open your eyes bro

If I ever met you, I appreciate the love yo

Girls that I dated, it's ok I am not mad yo

Unless you stabbed me in the heart, no love ho, this shit is so ill

Play it back from the top if you recognize real

(Chorus 2x)

And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take

But please don't cry, just know that I have made these songs for you

And if I die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take

'cuz I'm ready for a funeral

'cuz I'm ready for a funeral (I'm ready for the funeral, I'm ready for the funeral)

so for some reason i'm still thinking about a new boy.. i don't know how i feel about this.

well i do; i feel like i need a strong drink and a distraction.

que midterms & essays.

FML.

love

ps; can't wait for fLorida.

you're a touch overrated;

it's hard to explain how you can not be surprised by the way a situation has panned out - but still be disappointed.

i think i've discovered that i'm actually a closet optimist, as much as i'd like to believe otherwise - i think that people are good, and that they have honest intentions. AS IF. for real though, of the people that have come and gone from my life in the past year i can't really say that any of them have really cared i guess. Because more often than not they left as fast as they came.

at this point i can't even blame this whole thing on naivety because really - it's happened one too many times, after the first time i should've known. but i guess i don't learn my lessons as quickly as i should. i don't know where i'm going with this; or even if what i've learned is really going to make a difference next time i'm faced with choosing whether or not to believe in the best of people.. we will see i suppose.

(knowing me; i'm just going to keep making the same mistakes over and over again - i'm a little kid like that, i know that sticking my finger in the outlet is going to hurt, but for some reason i keep doing it. werd)

love♥

like young leaves.

so i don't know what my problem is; i keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

it seems to be i can't learn my lesson the first time.. first with the whole thing last year with him, and now this thing that i have gotten myself into.

and i don't know for some reason i always seem to be able to convince myself that it's going to be different this time, that this time i can trust a boy, and then the same thing happens - i'm left questioning where the fuck i stand. and i hate it. i need to stop doing this.

i need to find someone i can actually trust, someone who is going to be there all the time, not just when it's convenient. i refuse to be a convenience for someone, just there when they need me - but left behind when their done. it's gotten old pretty fast

i need allot from life right now, and i don't seem to be getting much of it. i'm so sick of people just walking in and out of my life like it's nothing ... i get to attached for that shit, it's not cool. and people wonder why i have few friends? because the ones that i have i know i can count on, for anything. i don't have disposable friends, i don't have the patience or emotional capacity for temporary friendships, or relationships. that shit just isn't for me - if you're in my life you should be ready to be there for a long time. i care too much to just let people go, and it's taxing on me, i take the brunt of the pain when people just up and leave whenever it's convenient and i'm done with that... for real this time.

i don't know..

i think i just need to find a reliable boy; and stop giving people the benefit of the doubt - cause it's gotten me nowhere these past couple months.

i don't know where i'm going with this, or how any of this is going to end - typical.

love ♥

... really, where are you?

... so i kind of want a lot from a guy, i guess, but i've realized that their are somethings i just won't be able to budge on - like respect, i would honestly rather date someone who would respect me than the typical "good guy" because from my experience the type of guy that my parents would like to see me date.. well he's a douchebag, and the guys that they are kinda iffy about me dating treat girls better... werd

love