that first step you took was the worst...

Complete and total adoration, My gift to you, my heart was yours, In ten weeks you shaped it, In one night you murdered it. Torn from my chest and laid at your feet, That first step that you took was the worst. Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark, And I still have these memories, But will never see what we could have been. Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now? Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go? Remember, Cause that's all you can do. We'll never make another memory, We'll never make another memory. I wish i would have died in your arms the last time we were together, So I wouldn't have to wake without you today. This time I thought things were real, You said they were, What happened? You were a priority, Was I an option? I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone. Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled. Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough. So, we'll go our own ways, And hopefully you'll remember these things i've told you, Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity. A broken heart is not what I wanted from this, But I guess i've learned from it. But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? I don't consider this a mistake, I just wish the story didn't end this way, Cause i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it. Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now? Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
-a year from now, across five aprils

i never really understood the concept of "the straw that broke the camel's back" that singular, solitary moment, or action, or word that could make everything come crashing to a finite end. well i understand that concept more or less now, i realise that there is only so many hurts a person can endure. but i never thought that someone would be able to bring me to the point where i could say, without really looking back, that i was done. that i had no desire to speak to them again. well, i can honestly say that i'm there.

i guess this means a new year and a new beginning, again.
it seems that every at this time, something happens that turns everything inside out...
i feel though, that this year, i am much better equiped to deal with the situation in a less destructive way than last year, at least i hope i am.

16 TRUTHS.

ONE: i'm terrified that eventually i am going to push him away so much, that he will just give up and not come back.
TWO: i hate asking for things because it makes me feel like i'm not accomplishing anything
THREE: i miss the days when i could trust people without second guessing it
FOUR: i don't believe in regrets, because i've learned so much from my past.
FIVE: i've put up so many walls, and now that i want to tear them down, i don't even know where to start.
SIX: i miss him, everyday
SEVEN: i almost never feel good enough
EIGHT: i can attach allot of sentimental value to songs, i still can't listen to certain songs without crying. and most songs make me think of when i heard them the first time.
NINE: i don't sleep at night, because in the dark my worries are far too clear to deal with
TEN: i love my bestfriend/futur roomie, because our friendship has grown so much over the past couple months.
ELEVEN: if i don't know you, i'm probably going to be very sarcastic, it's not because i'm mean, it's because being nice would mean that i wouldn't have that bitting humour to save me.
TWELVE: i hate receiving gifts, i would much rather give them.
THIRTEEN: i miss some of the simplicity of high school however i dont miss fake friends and pointless drama
FOURTEEN: i wouldn't do anything differently.
FIFTEEN: i'm working on not being bitter, and not blaming anyone else for who i have become, but it's not easy
SIXTEEN: i want to travel the world, but i always want to be able to come home..